I've been meaning to do this for quite a while now. I've always enjoyed reading blogs but up until this past year I haven't really had the motivation to sit down and write them. I mean, who wants to sit and read about a single mom of 3 kids whose highlight of the day is a trip to Starbucks ?? I know, sad right ?? Well, it took my family and a couple amazing friends to make me realize that the hardships I've endured these past couple years and STILL enduring aren't just traumatizing they are in fact interesting and inspiring to others !! Don't get me wrong, I'm not a superhero. Except on days I wear my cape. =) However, I guess when you've walked through hell and came back smiling, it inspires others to gain that strength as well !! God knows I've made my share of mistakes as a daughter,sister,wife, and mother but I think what sets me apart from some is that I admit them, I lay them all out on the table not caring who sees them and I make them right.....if I can. Bottom line is I'm honest, real and my intentions are always good. Most of the time.
I'm also a good listener and great at giving advice but I'm terrible at following my own. I wear my heart on my sleeve ESPECIALLY when it comes to my kids. They're my strength and my weakness and sadly I have those few in my life who know this and choose to use it to their advantage. I'm often asked how I keep it together so well among all the stress and chaos and I always give the same answer. What other choice is there ?? I simply can not fall apart for many reasons. I can't and I won't.
Let's start with the most important one, my 3 children. I brought them into this crazy world and at the time I had no idea many areas of my life would end up this way. I, like most mothers, laid in the hospital bed after delivery, held them for the first time with visions of this perfect family sticking together through thick and thin, sickness and health....etc. THEN, reality came through like a freight train. In March of 2012 there I stood in a court room officially divorced and on my own with 3 kids. (Insert Despicable Me's minion face of WHAAAAAAAAT?! here) Now I'm sure you've all heard the term "Messy Divorce". I do not want to go into detail in public but on a scale of 1-10 (10 being disastrous) we're talking a solid 15. Trust me when I say the stories I have (and still going through) will blow your mind and will leave you with that minion face I mentioned above. That's a promise !!
After going through that nightmare I still wanted to remain being ME and my kids needed ME.. Who is that you're wondering ?? Well, its still the same girl lying in the hospital bed holding her babies for the first time (but a bit tougher,tanner and few more highlights) with these amazing visions but I just had to tweak them a little. We went from a family of 5 to a family of 4 and at the end of the day.....that's okay !! I refused to allow anything or anyone change who I am. I read a quote once that said "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." I knew I had to be strong for myself and 3 little lives no matter what others were trying to make me out to be. I knew I had to push through my own pain, cushion the blows and teach them right from wrong. That's the promise I gave them the moment I gave birth to them. My biggest fear the moment I looked into their eyes was letting them down. It's an unrealistic goal I know as I understand there is no such thing as a perfect parent but you know what vision I added to the list ?? All three being grown and out of the house and being able to tell people "My mom did the best she could with what she had, she did it on her own and our happiness ALWAYS came first." If they can say that, then I know I've done my job. We live in a happy home, we make amazing memories and we love with all we have. Right now, its just us 4 (small but mighty) and right now we're exactly where we're meant to be.
I know I'm not the only one who has had a rough couple years. I know that if I threw my problems into a pot with the rest of the world and hoping to trade there is a good chance I'd want to grab mine back. I feel blessed to have what I do and I owe my strength to my children but if I can share my thoughts, my good days and my bad days with everybody else and somehow help just one person to cope with their bad days and make them feel like they're not alone in their flaws then my job here is done. Til my next blog anyways. Which very well could be me just complaining about a messy house,missing keys or a mouthy teenager. Hey, I never said I was perfect. =)
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