It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.Aristotle Onassis

   Today I woke up, got a few kids fed and off to school, played a mean game of Candy Land and sat in my attorneys office a couple hrs. Typical day in the life of Tiffany ?? Nah, just the day I decided to put my big girl panties on and get some help. First off Id like to say, I have THE BEST attorney on the face of the universe. I spent so much time with her during the two years of my divorce it was like my 2nd home and she saw me through so much that it was hard not to look at her as a friend as well.  I never walk away from her without an answer and a smile.

    During my moments of sitting there shaking my head at my wits end I couldn't help but say outloud.....WHAT am I doing here 2 years later ?! All this should have stopped !! Why can't people just move on ?? How on earth do I stop all the hurt my kids are witnessing so they grow up to be healthy individuals ?? What do you do when you have done your part and the opposite party can't let go ?? Maybe its guilt that drives a person to be so bitter ?? Jealousy ?? Maybe its knowing they've lost complete control ?? What could possibly cause a human being to project so much hatred towards another to where he/she feels the need to lie to and manipulate so many of his/her "friends" and family into feeling the same thing towards a person ?? Well, if ya read my last post there is one word that comes to mind. BULLY. What were you told to do when you were a child and somebody is picking on you ?? Well, I remember what my parents told me. "Walk away and be the better person. Those who know and love you know better and anybody friends with that bully are just victims themselves and cant bring any good to your life." 

     I have to say the last year has been AMAZING in many areas for the kids and I. Moving on was exactly what we did. New home, new car, a new guy we ALL adored...so many new things we all needed and were well deserved being we were left with so little. A fresh start allowed us a new beginning to our new family with just the four of us. I wish I could say it was happily ever after from there BUT it seems as though we got so lost in happily ever after I had forgotten not EVERYBODY enjoys a good fairy tale. One persons happiness is anothers kick in the behind !! 

    We had a slight dent put into our lives for a while. We became "a little bent...not broken" (so to speak) and it seems as though it will continue IF we continue to remain in the same place. So now I have a pretty heavy weight on my chest as any single mother would have. Should we stay or should we go ?? Maybe staying in the same area was a bad idea because while were under a new roof were still near others who'd like to see us fall and will never move on enough to allow us the great life together we're entitled to and CAN have. So maybe as the only legal custodial parent my 3 children have I have to do the walking for all 4 of us. As of right now....its the only light I see for us. We are blessed to have so many family and friends allow this to be an option for us. I know with this decision comes a lot of sadness from family and friends who'd like us to stay and I assure you that weighs heavy on me. Maybe mom and dads grade school advice wasn't all so bad....but its sure not easy. 

Just when ya think elementary school is over.....

I often worry how Id handle the situation if any 3 of my kids were to come home and say they have been bullied..I hear horror stories every day, some with good endings and some not so good. I love that the school are stepping up and doing their part of no tolerance and we as parents need to remember that it is so important to instill in our children KINDNESS !! I tell my children don't just be nice when you have the chance, be kind always. Offer your help, make someone smile, stand up for somebody if you see they're having trouble finding their own ground.  Even if you're standing alone, well you've made a huge difference in one persons life. There really isn't a better feeling.
Another subject we don't hear quite as often but its certainly out there, adult bullying. Being a victim of it myself  makes me 10X more worried about my own children having to endure it. I know the feeling of fear,sadness,powerless,being controlled and know how terribly it can damage you.It's the one thing I pray every night that my children never have to go through. I use my experiences as a way to show my children how important it is to never belittle anybody and never allow anybody to do it to you. They've sadly seen the hurt first hand and I believe that is why I have such beautiful, kind,loving children. So I choose not to look at my bad experiences as a tragedy and cry and hide away. I chose to educate adults and children with them. Bullying is REAL in children AND adults. No matter what age there is one important thing to always remember. DON'T LET IT DEFINE YOU !!

Diagnosis: Baby Fever......

     Well, it's finally hit me. Everybody told me it would after I had my third and last child. I thought they were crazy !! Then again, I was also holding my itty bitty baby girl in my arms and she was fulfilling my baby needs at the moment. THEN she turned 4 and now I've come down with a terrible case of baby fever. Symptoms include but not limited to: the constant desire to hold,smell,cuddle and kiss a baby. Walking by baby clothes in a store and gushing over how cute and tiny they are. Constant dreams of giving birth. Secretly picking out baby names...... *sigh* I bet little Blake or Skylar would be soooooo cute......Not that I've put any thought into it at all !!
    The cure: Have another baby, buy a cute cuddly puppy, babysit, or find somebody with a colicky baby that does nothing but scream and you will change your mind !! Well, I have a puppy and I often babysit. It's not working. Also, I have the patience of a saint especially when it comes to children so the crying, screaming. teething, colic, dirty diapers at 3 am and feedings around the clock every 4 hrs never got to me !! I LOVE every little thing a child has to offer. I know !! I'll take care of my friends and neighbors little ones !! My ovaries are still feeling pretty neglected here. Here lies the problem. I'm 34 and not getting any younger. I'm a single and slightly overwhelmed mother of 3 and I do not have any desire to get married again. How do I send that very loud ticking clock that memo ??
    I keep hearing "You have 3 beautiful and healthy kids so be happy and feel blessed with that!!" Lets not state the obvious please but yes, deep down I know they're right and mean well. OF course I am blessed and so grateful for them !! I'm loving every milestone they come to from beginning pre-school to beginning high school but I think its natural for us mommas to miss what has passed so quickly. It's not bad or selfish to feel that way. It's not putting the children you have on the back burner its just wishing that tiny little baby that once slept on our chest and had that amazing beautiful baby smell was still at that stage in life. Who doesn't miss that cuddly stage ?! Its a phase we all go through as our kids grow but perhaps the only cure is letting it pass.
 
 

Is there an app for that ?

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. 

~ Ambrose Bierce 

    I had always known I wanted kids. Four to be exact. I remember being pregnant with my oldest son, Austin and dreaming of this perfect, beautiful little boy to hold. Came out with these big blue eyes and head full of thick black hair and was just the sweetest,happiest most cuddly baby you'd ever hold. He kept growing into this gorgeous kid but at the same time growing out of my arms and my lap and to my surprise my boy went and got his own personality, complete with attitude and all !! They don't stay happy and cuddly forever ?! Everything you say and do is wrong and uncool ?? Okay, who do I speak to about not getting that memo ?!

   This is when the words start flying.  "You're SO mean!!" or "This is SO unfair!" and the worst (usually popping out of the mouths of teens) "I HATE you !!" I have 2 sons 14 and 11 years of age and a 4 year old daughter. (never did get to that 4th one) I think I've heard all those come out of their mouths at some point and any parents first reaction is to dish out some sort of punishment if they haven't already. Doors are slammed and its over. 

   Then, the dust settles. You have time to clear your head and you ask yourself that famous question "Did I do the right thing ?" "Does he really hate me ?" and we begin to second guess ourselves. Who is to say what is the right thing ? Kids do not come with instructions. I suppose we could all turn to that perfect parent for advice....oh wait.....they don't exist ! Wonder if Siri can help. Is there an app for this parenting stuff ??

     Suddenly in those moments of feeling guilt I remember I was that teen that "hated" my mom at one point. I'd sit in my room telling all my friends how life was so unfair without being able to watch TV in my room for a week ! Their moms were so much cooler because they got to stay out til 10 pm on a school night and never had to call home to check in ! At that point you had no clue that your parents were teaching you a lesson and punishing you because they love you and want the best for you. No way because that would have made sense and made our parents right ! You were simply angry because you didn't get your way. What kid wants to admit that ?!

     So whats next ? We can open that bedroom door with the angry kid inside and explain that his Xbox is being taken out of his room for a week because were teaching him something super important !! Lets face it.....it wont stick. Right now, if you're the "mean mom" be content with that. You're also the mom who cares, the mom who wants to teach them right from wrong, the parent you want them to become when they have children of their own. Sure giving in and letting them have their way would end the battle and you'd get a handmade "mom of the year" award  BUT what is that teaching them ? 

   I was once told by a counselor that children will lash out at the one person who will always forgive them and love them unconditionally. Guess what, that's you !! Although those hurtful words they throw around break our hearts but they're words spoken from their anger,not their hearts. They love us and trust us and we should never second guess that.  Bottom line is we're all going to make mistakes as parents and our children are going to test us because that's their job ! All you can do is your best but one thing I always remember is to be a PARENT first, friend second. Anything worth having doesn't come easy !!

                                                                              Bio

I live in Oregon,Ohio. I'm a stay at home mom of 3 kids. Austin, Brandon and Peyton. I keep it real, I'm not one to sugarcoat and I'm always honest. I love sharing my experiences with people good or bad and hearing about others as well. 

JAN

   One thing you really take advantage of in a marriage is the comfort level you gain with each other after so many years. Think about it, when ya start dating you're all about impressing each other. Everything has to be perfect and proper THEN ya get comfortable and next thing ya know you're skinny jeans turned into sweats, your're barely wearing makeup, and why close the door when you're in the bathroom ?! Let me tell you, getting back into the dating world isn't easy !! In fact it's down right exhausting. You are literally starting over and it's pretty scary. On the other hand, its exciting !! Time to slap the makeup back on, break out the heels, get yourself some highlights and get a tan because you got some impressing to do !! Talk about stressful but OMG so much fun !! Its like rediscovering yourself. You meet new people, experience new things, make new friends, and realize you STILL got it. =) Ya take the good with the bad and the gentlemen with the jerks. Whats nice is after a while you learn very quickly how to weed those out !!
   Everyone told me dating after divorce (especially if you have kids) is TOUGH for many reasons. Biggest one I heard was guys will run for the hills once they hear about your 3 kids. Way too much baggage !! I honestly have not had that problem YET. However, so far I've dated very few guys and they knew about my kids before hand so still waiting on that runner. Honestly, my opening conversation with anybody involves my 3 kids and how they are NUMBER ONE so before the date even happens they're fully aware and if that scares them off then good riddens !! Please don't be the parent that hides the fact you have kids just to prevent scaring someone off.
   Another question I get asked is "When is it okay to introduce your kids to your boyfriend ?" Here is my answer. Do not introduce your kids to every man you date. Seriously, they don't need to see that !! Set a good example for them. Remember, they just went through a tough time watching you seperate and need time to adjust to a family of just you and them. Trust me when I say if you throw sudden changes at them they'll resent you for it. Its like saying "Oh hey kids your dads gone so he'll do for now !!" Nothing irritates me more than seeing parents move on super quick and force their kids into this loving relationship with their bf or gf just to upset the other parent and when that happens you think turnabout is fair play right ?! I'll show him !! BUT STOP !! Revenge always feels so good I know but your kids aren't weapons. The kids will not want to disappoint you either so they'll play along most times. What other choice do they have when forced into something ?? BUT I assure you inside they're little minds they're feeling guilt and anger towards the whole situation. Be smart and put them first. Ask them if they are okay with you moving on and if they are ready to meet somebody who is important to you but I cant express enough....Give them time !!
   Its gonna feel at times like highschool drama is creeping back up on you and people are going to talk about you like it's their job !! You'll hear comments from friends like "OMG I cant believe youre talking to him!" or "I don't think hes good for you." All you can think is WTH ?? Really ?? Did ya see the hell I just crawled out of ?? LOL OR God forbid you'll have some insane jealous ex that goes coo coo for cocoa puffs and spends every waking moment trying to figure out ways to stop any relationship you have and fabricate a ton of stories to anybody that will soak up his BS. Phew !! How awful that would be. Can you even imagine ?? SMH !! =) Just keep doing what you're doing and dont sweat the small stuff. Take into consideration what your friends tell you but you're an adult now, you can make your own choices. In the end it will all work out exactly how its meant to be. I promise.=)
   One thing I learned is its okay to be picky !! Its not just you and him in the long run....its you,him and your kids !! Find them the best there is out there. Its not going to happen over night and if it does, you got the wrong guy !!  You're more than likely going to have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince so have patience and have fun !!

Here goes nothin....

 I've been meaning to do this for quite a while now. I've always enjoyed reading blogs but up until this past year I haven't really had the motivation to sit down and write them. I mean, who wants to sit and read about a single mom of 3 kids whose highlight of the day is a trip to Starbucks ?? I know, sad right ?? Well, it took my family and a couple amazing friends to make me realize that the hardships I've endured these past couple years and STILL enduring aren't just traumatizing they are in fact interesting and inspiring to others !! Don't get me wrong, I'm not a superhero. Except on days I wear my cape. =) However, I guess when you've walked through hell and came back smiling, it inspires others to gain that strength as well !! God knows I've made my share of mistakes as a daughter,sister,wife, and mother but I think what sets me apart from some is that I admit them, I lay them all out on the table not caring who sees them and I make them right.....if I can. Bottom line is I'm honest, real and my intentions are always good. Most of the time.
I'm also a good listener and great at giving advice but I'm terrible at following my own. I wear my heart on my sleeve ESPECIALLY when it comes to my kids. They're my strength and my weakness and sadly I have those few in my life who know this and choose to use it to their advantage. I'm often asked how I keep it together so well among all the stress and chaos and I always give the same answer. What other choice is there ?? I simply can not fall apart for many reasons. I can't and I won't.
Let's start with the most important one, my 3 children.  I brought them into this crazy world and at the time I had no idea many areas of my life would end up this way. I, like most mothers, laid in the hospital bed after delivery, held them for the first time with visions of this perfect family sticking together through thick and thin, sickness and health....etc. THEN, reality came through like a freight train. In March of 2012 there I stood in a court room officially divorced and on my own with 3 kids. (Insert Despicable Me's minion face of WHAAAAAAAAT?! here) Now I'm sure you've all heard the term "Messy Divorce". I do not want to go into detail in public but on a scale of 1-10 (10 being disastrous) we're talking a solid 15. Trust me when I say the stories I have (and still going through) will blow your mind and will leave you with that minion face I mentioned above. That's a promise !!
After going through that nightmare I still wanted to remain being ME and my kids needed ME.. Who is that you're wondering ?? Well, its still the same girl lying in the hospital bed holding her babies for the first time (but a bit tougher,tanner and few more highlights) with these amazing visions but I just had to tweak them a little. We went from a family of 5 to a family of 4 and at the end of the day.....that's okay !! I refused to allow anything or anyone change who I am. I read a quote once that said "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." I knew I had to be strong for myself and 3 little lives no matter what others were trying to make me out to be. I knew I had to push through my own pain, cushion the blows and teach them right from wrong. That's the promise I gave them the moment I gave birth to them. My biggest fear the moment I looked into their eyes was letting them down. It's an unrealistic goal I know as I understand there is no such thing as a perfect parent but you know what vision I added to the list ?? All three being grown and out of the house and being able to tell people "My mom did the best she could with what she had, she did it on her own and our happiness ALWAYS came first." If they can say that, then I know I've done my job. We live in a happy home, we make amazing memories and we love with all we have. Right now, its just us 4 (small but mighty) and right now we're exactly where we're meant to be.
I know I'm not the only one who has had a rough couple years. I know that if I threw my problems into a pot with the rest of the world and hoping to trade there is a good chance I'd want to grab mine back. I feel blessed to have what I do and I owe my strength to my children but if I can share my thoughts, my good days and my bad days with everybody else and somehow help just one person to cope with their bad days and make them feel like they're not alone in their flaws then my job here is done. Til my next blog anyways. Which very well could be me just complaining about a messy house,missing keys or a mouthy teenager. Hey, I never said I was perfect. =)